Clown-Ginny,
Hamlet-Ken, Horatio-Bill. Lines 50-101
https://www.playshakespeare.com/hamlet/scenes/act-v-scene-1
HAMLET
They are sheep and calves which seek out
assurance in that. I will speak to this fellow. Whose grave’s this, sirrah?50
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Mine, sir.51
Sings.
“O, a pit of clay for to be made52
For such a guest is meet.”53
HAMLET
I think it be thine indeed, for thou liest in’t.54
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
You lie out on’t,
sir, and therefore ’tis not yours; for my part, I do not lie in’t, yet it is mine.55
HAMLET
Thou dost lie in’t,
to be in’t and say it is thine. ’Tis
for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest.56
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
’Tis a quick lie, sir, ’twill away again from me
to you.57
HAMLET
What man dost thou dig it for?58
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
For no man, sir.59
HAMLET
What woman then?60
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
For none neither.61
HAMLET
Who is to be buried in’t?62
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
One that was a woman, sir, but, rest her soul,
she’s dead.63
HAMLET
How absolute the knave is! We must speak by
the card, or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord, Horatio, this three years I have took note of it: the age is grown so
pick’d that the toe of the peasant comes so near the
heel of the courtier, he galls his kibe. How long
hast thou been grave-maker?64
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Of all the days i’ th’ year, I came to’t that day that
our last king Hamlet overcame Fortinbras.65
HAMLET
How long is that since?66
FIRST CLOWN (GRAVEDIGGER)
Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell
that. It was that very day that young Hamlet was born— he that is mad, and sent
into England.67
HAMLET
Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?68
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Why, because ’a was mad. ’A shall recover his
wits there, or if ’a do not, ’tis no great matter there.69
HAMLET
Why?70
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
’Twill not be seen in him there, there the men are
as mad as he.71
HAMLET
How came he mad?72
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Very strangely, they say.73
HAMLET
How strangely?74
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Faith, e’en with
losing his wits.75
HAMLET
Upon what ground?76
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton here,
man and boy, thirty years.77
HAMLET
How long will a man lie i’
th’ earth ere he rot?78
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Faith, if ’a be not rotten before ’a die—as we
have many pocky corses,
that will scarce hold the laying in—’a will last you some eight year or nine
year. A tanner will last you nine year.79
HAMLET
Why he more than another?80
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
Why, sir, his hide is so tann’d
with his trade that ’a will keep out water a great while, and your water is a
sore decayer of your whoreson dead body. Here’s a
skull now hath lien you i’ th’
earth three and twenty years.81
HAMLET
Whose was it?82
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
A whoreson mad fellow’s it was. Whose do you
think it was?83
HAMLET
Nay, I know not.84
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! ’A pour’d a flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same
skull, sir, was, sir, Yorick’s skull, the King’s jester.85
HAMLET
This?86
Takes the skull.
FIRST CLOWN
(GRAVEDIGGER)
E’en that.87
HAMLET
Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a
fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a
thousand times, and now how abhorr’d in my
imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kiss’d I know not how oft. Where
be your gibes now, your gambols, your songs, your flashes of merriment, that
were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now to mock your own
grinning-quite chop-fall’n. Now get you to my lady’s
chamber, and tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor she must
come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.88
HORATIO
What’s that, my lord?89
HAMLET
Dost thou think Alexander look’d
a’ this fashion i’ th’
earth?90
HORATIO
E’en so.91
HAMLET
And smelt so? Pah!92
Puts down the skull.
HORATIO
E’en so, my lord.93
HAMLET
To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why
may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander, till ’a find it stopping
a bunghole?94
HORATIO
’Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.95
HAMLET
No, faith, not a jot, but to follow him
thither with modesty enough and likelihood to lead it: Alexander died,
Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust,
the dust is earth, of earth we make loam, and why of that loam whereto he was
converted might they not stop a beer-barrel?96
Imperious Caesar, dead and turn’d
to clay,97
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.98
O that that earth which kept the world in awe99
Should patch a wall t’ expel the winter’s
flaw!100
But soft, but soft awhile, here comes the
king.
Witch
1-Cindy ,Witch 2-Bill, Witch 3-Ginny Lines 1-38
https://www.playshakespeare.com/macbeth/scenes/act-iv-scene-1
Thunder.
Enter the three Witches.
FIRST WITCH
Thrice the brinded
cat hath mew’d.1
SECOND WITCH
Thrice, and once the hedge-pig whin’d.2
THIRD WITCH
Harpier cries, “’Tis time,
’tis time.”3
FIRST WITCH
Round about the cauldron go;4
In the poison’d
entrails throw;5
Toad, that under cold stone6
Days and nights has thirty-one7
Swelt’red venom sleeping got,8
Boil thou first i’ th’ charmed pot.9
THREE WITCHES
Double, double, toil and trouble;10
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.11
SECOND WITCH
Fillet of a fenny snake,12
In the cauldron boil and bake;13
Eye of newt and toe of frog,14
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,15
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting,16
Lizard’s leg and howlet’s
wing,17
For a charm of pow’rful
trouble,18
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.19
THREE WITCHES
Double, double, toil and trouble;20
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.21
THIRD WITCH
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,22
Witch’s mummy, maw and gulf23
Of the ravin’d
salt-sea shark,24
Root of hemlock digg’d
i’ th’ dark,25
Liver of blaspheming Jew,26
Gall of goat, and slips of yew27
Sliver’d in the moon’s eclipse,28
Nose of Turk and Tartar’s lips,29
Finger of birth-strangled babe30
Ditch-deliver’d by a
drab,31
Make the gruel thick and slab.32
Add thereto a tiger’s chawdron,33
For th’ ingredience of our cau’dron.34
THREE WITCHES
Double, double, toil and trouble;35
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.36
SECOND WITCH
Cool it with a baboon’s blood,37
Then the charm is firm and good.38
Enter Hecat and the other three Witches.
Macbeth
soliloquy- Bill Lines 17-28
https://www.playshakespeare.com/macbeth/scenes/act-v-scene-5
MACBETH
She should have died hereafter;17
There would have been a time for such a word.18
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,19
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,20
To the last syllable of recorded time;21
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools22
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief
candle!23
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,24
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,25
And then is heard no more. It is a tale26
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,27
Signifying nothing.
Hippolyte: Cindy, Theseus: Bill, Egeus: Ken, Hermia: Ginny, Lysander: Ken; Demetrius: Bill, Helena: Cindy
https://www.playshakespeare.com/midsummer-nights-dream/scenes/act-i-scene-1
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Now, fair Hippolyta, our nuptial hour1
Draws on apace. Four happy days bring in2
Another moon; but O, methinks, how slow3
This old moon wanes! She lingers my desires,4
Like to a step-dame, or a dowager,5
Long withering out a young man’s revenue.6
HIPPOLYTA
Four days will quickly steep themselves in
night;7
Four nights will quickly dream away the time;8
And then the moon, like to a silver bow9
New bent in heaven, shall behold the night10
Of our solemnities.11
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Go, Philostrate,
Stir up the Athenian youth to merriments,12
Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth,13
Turn melancholy forth to funerals:14
The pale companion is not for our pomp.15
Exit Philostrate.
Hippolyta, I woo’d
thee with my sword,16
And won thy love doing thee injuries;17
But I will wed thee in another key,18
With pomp, with triumph, and with reveling.19
Enter Egeus and his
daughter Hermia and Lysander and Demetrius.
EGEUS
Happy be Theseus, our renowned Duke!20
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Thanks, good Egeus. What’s the news with thee?21
EGEUS
Full of vexation come I, with complaint22
Against my child, my daughter Hermia.23
Stand forth, Demetrius. My noble lord,24
This man hath my consent to marry her.25
Stand forth, Lysander. And, my gracious Duke,26
This man hath bewitch’d
the bosom of my child.27
Thou, thou, Lysander, thou hast given her
rhymes,28
And interchang’d
love-tokens with my child;29
Thou hast by moonlight at her window sung30
With faining voice
verses of faining love,31
And stol’n the
impression of her fantasy32
With bracelets of thy hair, rings, gawds, conceits,33
Knacks, trifles, nosegays,
sweetmeats—messengers34
Of strong prevailment
in unhardened youth.35
With cunning hast thou filch’d
my daughter’s heart,36
Turn’d her obedience (which is due to me)37
To stubborn harshness. And, my gracious Duke,38
Be it so she will not here before your Grace39
Consent to marry with Demetrius,40
I beg the ancient privilege of Athens:41
As she is mine, I may dispose of her;42
Which shall be either to this gentleman,43
Or to her death, according to our law44
Immediately provided in that case.45
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
What say you, Hermia? Be advis’d,
fair maid.46
To you your father should be as a god;47
One that compos’d
your beauties; yea, and one48
To whom you are but as a form in wax,49
By him imprinted, and within his power,50
To leave the figure, or disfigure it.51
Demetrius is a worthy gentleman.52
HERMIA
So is Lysander.53
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
In himself he is;
But in this kind, wanting your father’s voice,54
The other must be held the worthier.55
HERMIA
I would my father look’d
but with my eyes.56
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Rather your eyes must with his judgment look.57
HERMIA
I do entreat your Grace to pardon me.58
I know not by what power I am made bold,59
Nor how it may concern my modesty,60
In such a presence here to plead my thoughts;61
But I beseech your Grace that I may know62
The worst that may befall me in this case,63
If I refuse to wed Demetrius.64
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Either to die the death, or to abjure65
Forever the society of men.66
Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires,67
Know of your youth, examine well your blood,68
Whether (if you yield not to your father’s
choice)69
You can endure the livery of a nun,70
For aye to be in shady cloister mew’d,71
To live a barren sister all your life,72
Chaunting faint hymns to the cold fruitless
moon.73
Thrice blessed they that master so their blood74
To undergo such maiden pilgrimage;75
But earthlier happy is the rose distill’d,76
Than that which withering on the virgin thorn77
Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness.78
HERMIA
So will I grow, so live, so die, my lord,79
Ere I will yield my virgin patent up80
Unto his lordship, whose unwished yoke81
My soul consents not to give sovereignty.82
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
Take time to pause, and by the next new moon—83
The sealing-day betwixt my love and me84
For everlasting bond of fellowship—85
Upon that day either prepare to die86
For disobedience to your father’s will,87
Or else to wed Demetrius, as he would,88
Or on Diana’s altar to protest89
For aye austerity and single life.90
DEMETRIUS
Relent, sweet Hermia, and, Lysander, yield91
Thy crazed title to my certain right.92
LYSANDER
You have her father’s love, Demetrius,93
Let me have Hermia’s; do you marry him.94
EGEUS
Scornful Lysander, true, he hath my love;95
And what is mine, my love shall render him.96
And she is mine, and all my right of her97
I do estate unto Demetrius.98
LYSANDER
I am, my lord, as well deriv’d
as he,99
As well possess’d;
my love is more than his;100
My fortunes every way as fairly rank’d101
(If not with vantage) as Demetrius’;102
And (which is more than all these boasts can
be)103
I am belov’d of
beauteous Hermia.104
Why should not I then prosecute my right?105
Demetrius, I’ll avouch it to his head,106
Made love to Nedar’s
daughter, Helena,107
And won her soul; and she, sweet lady, dotes,108
Devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry,109
Upon this spotted and inconstant man.110
THESEUS, DUKE OF ATHENS
I must confess that I have heard so much,111
And with Demetrius thought to have spoke thereof;112
But, being over-full of self-affairs,113
My mind did lose it. But, Demetrius, come,114
And come, Egeus, you shall go with me;115
I have some private schooling for you both.116
For you, fair Hermia, look you
arm yourself117
To fit your fancies to your father’s will;118
Or else the law of Athens yields you up119
(Which by no means we may extenuate)120
To death, or to a vow of single life.121
Come, my Hippolyta; what cheer, my love?122
Demetrius and Egeus, go along;123
I must employ you in some business124
Against our nuptial, and confer with you125
Of something nearly that concerns yourselves.126
EGEUS
With duty and desire we follow you.127
Exeunt. Manent Lysander and Hermia.
LYSANDER
How now, my love? Why is your cheek so pale?128
How chance the roses there do fade so fast?129
HERMIA
Belike for want of rain; which I could well130
Beteem them from the tempest of my eyes.131
LYSANDER
Ay me! For aught that I could ever read,132
Could ever hear by tale or history,133
The course of true love never did run smooth;134
But either it was different in blood—135
HERMIA
O cross! Too high to be enthrall’d
to low.136
LYSANDER
Or else misgraffed
in respect of years—137
HERMIA
O spite! Too old to be engag’d
to young.138
LYSANDER
Or else it stood upon the choice of friends—139
HERMIA
O hell, to choose love by another’s eyes!140
LYSANDER
Or if there were a sympathy in choice,141
War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,142
Making it momentany
as a sound,143
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,144
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,145
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and
earth;146
And ere a man hath power to say “Behold!”147
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:148
So quick bright things come to confusion.149
HERMIA
If then true lovers have been ever cross’d,150
It stands as an edict in destiny.151
Then let us teach our trial patience,152
Because it is a customary cross,153
As due to love as thoughts and dreams and
sighs,154
Wishes and tears, poor fancy’s followers.155
LYSANDER
A good persuasion; therefore hear me, Hermia:156
I have a widow aunt, a dowager,157
Of great revenue, and she hath no child.158
From Athens is her house remote seven leagues;159
And she respects me as her only son.160
There, gentle Hermia, may I marry thee;161
And to that place the sharp Athenian law162
Cannot pursue us. If thou lovest
me, then163
Steal forth thy father’s house tomorrow night;164
And in the wood, a league without the town165
(Where I did meet thee once with Helena166
To do observance to a morn of May),167
There will I stay for
thee.168
HERMIA
My good Lysander,
I swear to thee, by Cupid’s strongest bow,169
By his best arrow with the golden head,170
By the simplicity of Venus’ doves,171
By that which knitteth
souls and prospers loves,172
And by that fire which burn’d
the Carthage queen173
When the false Troyan
under sail was seen,174
By all the vows that ever men have broke175
(In number more than ever women spoke),176
In that same place thou hast appointed me177
Tomorrow truly will I meet with thee.178
LYSANDER
Keep promise, love. Look, here comes Helena.179
Enter Helena.
HERMIA
God speed fair Helena! Whither
away?180
HELENA
Call you me fair? That fair again unsay.181
Demetrius loves your fair, O happy fair!182
Your eyes are lodestars, and your tongue’s
sweet air183
More tuneable than
lark to shepherd’s ear184
When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds
appear.185
Sickness is catching; O, were favor so,186
Yours would I catch, fair Hermia, ere I go;187
My ear should catch your voice, my eye your
eye,188
My tongue should catch your tongue’s sweet
melody.189
Were the world mine, Demetrius being bated,190
The rest I’ll give to be to you translated.191
O, teach me how you look, and with what art192
You sway the motion of Demetrius’ heart.193
HERMIA
I frown upon him; yet he loves me still.194
HELENA
O that your frowns would teach my smiles such
skill!195
HERMIA
I give him curses; yet he gives me love.196
HELENA
O that my prayers could such affection move!197
HERMIA
The more I hate, the more he follows me.198
HELENA
The more I love, the more he hateth me.199
HERMIA
His folly, Helena, is no fault of mine.200
HELENA
None but your beauty; would that fault were
mine!201
HERMIA
Take comfort; he no more shall see my face;202
Lysander and myself will fly this place.203
Before the time I did Lysander see,204
Seem’d Athens as a paradise to me;205
O then, what graces in my love do dwell,206
That he hath turn’d
a heaven unto a hell!207
LYSANDER
Helen, to you our minds we will unfold:208
Tomorrow night, when Phoebe doth behold209
Her silver visage in the wat’ry
glass,210
Decking with liquid pearl the bladed grass211
(A time that lovers’ flights doth still
conceal),212
Through Athens gates have we devis’d to steal.213
HERMIA
And in the wood, where often you and I214
Upon faint primrose beds were wont to lie,215
Emptying our bosoms of their counsel sweet,216
There my Lysander and myself shall meet;217
And thence from Athens turn away our eyes,218
To seek new friends and stranger companies.219
Farewell, sweet playfellow, pray thou for us;220
And good luck grant thee thy Demetrius!221
Keep word, Lysander; we must starve our sight222
From lovers’ food till morrow deep midnight.223
LYSANDER
I will, my Hermia.224
Exit Hermia.
Helena, adieu:
As you on him, Demetrius dote on you!225
Exit Lysander.
HELENA
How happy some o’er other some can be!226
Through Athens I am thought as fair as she.227
But what of that? Demetrius thinks not so;228
He will not know what all but he do know;229
And as he errs, doting on Hermia’s eyes,230
So I, admiring of his qualities.231
Things base and vile, holding no quantity,232
Love can transpose to form and dignity.233
Love looks not with the eyes but with the
mind;234
And therefore is wing’d
Cupid painted blind.235
Nor hath Love’s mind of any judgment taste;236
Wings, and no eyes, figure unheedy
haste;237
And therefore is Love said to be a child,238
Because in choice he is so oft beguil’d.239
As waggish boys in game themselves forswear,240
So the boy Love is perjur’d
every where;241
For ere Demetrius look’d
on Hermia’s eyne,242
He hail’d down oaths
that he was only mine;243
And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,244
So he dissolv’d, and
show’rs of oaths did melt.245
I will go tell him of fair Hermia’s flight;246
Then to the wood will he tomorrow night247
Pursue her; and for this intelligence248
If I have thanks, it is a dear expense.249
But herein mean I to enrich my pain,250
To have his sight thither and back again.251
Exit.
Act 2 – Scene 1 – Puck: Ken, A Fairy: Bill
Enter a Fairy at one
door and Robin Goodfellow (Puck) at another.
PUCK
How now, spirit, whither wander you?1
A FAIRY
Over hill, over dale,2
Thorough bush, thorough brier,3
Over park, over pale,4
Thorough flood, thorough fire,5
I do wander every where,6
Swifter than the moon’s sphere;7
And I serve the Fairy Queen,8
To dew her orbs upon
the green.9
The cowslips tall her pensioners be,10
In their gold coats spots you see:11
Those be rubies, fairy favors,12
In those freckles live their savors.13
I must go seek some dewdrops here,14
And hang a pearl in every cowslip’s ear.15
Farewell, thou lob of spirits; I’ll be gone.16
Our Queen and all her elves come here anon.17
PUCK
The King doth keep his revels here tonight;18
Take heed the Queen come not within his sight;19
For Oberon is passing fell and wrath,20
Because that she as her attendant hath21
A lovely boy stolen from an Indian king;22
She never had so sweet a changeling.23
And jealous Oberon would have the child24
Knight of his train, to trace the forests
wild;25
But she, perforce, withholds the loved boy,26
Crowns him with flowers, and makes him all her
joy.27
And now they never meet in grove or green,28
By fountain clear, or spangled starlight
sheen,29
But they do square, that all their elves for
fear30
Creep into acorn-cups, and hide them there.31
A FAIRY
Either I mistake your shape and making quite,32
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite33
Call’d Robin Goodfellow. Are not you he34
That frights the maidens of the villagery,35
Skim milk, and sometimes labor in the quern,36
And bootless make the breathless huswife churn,37
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm,38
Mislead night-wanderers, laughing at their
harm?39
Those that Hobgoblin call you, and sweet Puck,40
You do their work, and they shall have good
luck.41
Are not you he?42
PUCK
Thou speakest aright;
I am that merry wanderer of the night.43
I jest to Oberon and make him smile44
When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,45
Neighing in likeness of a filly foal;46
And sometime lurk I in a gossip’s bowl,47
In very likeness of a roasted crab,48
And when she drinks, against her lips I bob,49
And on her withered dewlop
pour the ale.50
The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,51
Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;52
Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,53
And “tailor” cries, and falls into a cough;54
And then the whole quire hold their hips and
loff,55
And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and swear56
A merrier hour was never wasted there.57
But room, fairy! Here comes Oberon.58
A FAIRY
And here my mistress. Would that he were gone!59
Rosalind: Cindy, Celia: Ginny, Jaques: Bill, Orlando: Ken
Enter Rosalind and
Celia and Jaques.
JAQUES
I prithee, pretty youth, let me be better
acquainted with thee.1
ROSALIND
They say you are a melancholy fellow.2
JAQUES
I am so; I do love it better than laughing.3
ROSALIND
Those that are in extremity of either are
abominable fellows, and betray themselves to every modern censure worse than
drunkards.4
JAQUES
Why, ’tis good to be sad and say nothing.5
ROSALIND
Why then ’tis good to be a post.6
JAQUES
I have neither the scholar’s melancholy, which
is emulation; nor the musician’s, which is fantastical; nor the courtier’s,
which is proud; nor the soldier’s, which is ambitious; nor the lawyer’s, which
is politic; nor the lady’s, which is nice; nor the lover’s, which is all these:
but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from
many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my
often rumination wraps me in a most humorous sadness.7
ROSALIND
A traveler! By my faith, you have great reason
to be sad. I fear you have sold your own lands to see other men’s; then to have
seen much, and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands.8
JAQUES
Yes, I have gain’d
my experience.9
Enter Orlando.
ROSALIND
And your experience makes you sad. I had
rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad—and to
travel for it too!10
ORLANDO
Good day and happiness, dear Rosalind!11
JAQUES
Nay then God buy you, and you talk in blank
verse.12
ROSALIND
Farewell, Monsieur Traveler: look you lisp and
wear strange suits; disable all the benefits of your own country; be out of
love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance
you are; or I will scarce think you have swam in a gundello.13
Exit Jaques.
Why, how now, Orlando, where have you been all
this while? You a lover! And you serve me such another trick, never come in my
sight more.14
ORLANDO
My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my
promise.15
ROSALIND
Break an hour’s promise in love! He that will
divide a minute into a thousand parts, and break but a part of the thousand
part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapp’d him o’ th’ shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.16
ORLANDO
Pardon me, dear Rosalind.17
ROSALIND
Nay, and you be so tardy, come no more in my
sight. I had as lief be woo’d
of a snail.18
ORLANDO
Of a snail?19
ROSALIND
Ay, of a snail; for though he comes slowly, he
carries his house on his head; a better jointure I think than you make a woman.
Besides, he brings his destiny with him.20
ORLANDO
What’s that?21
ROSALIND
Why, horns! Which such as you are fain to be
beholding to your wives for. But he comes arm’d in
his fortune, and prevents the slander of his wife.22
ORLANDO
Virtue is no horn-maker; and my Rosalind is
virtuous.23
ROSALIND
And I am your Rosalind.24
CELIA
It pleases him to call you so; but he hath a
Rosalind of a better leer than you.25
ROSALIND
Come, woo me, woo me; for now
I am in a holiday humor, and like enough to consent. What would you say to me
now, and I were your very very Rosalind?26
ORLANDO
I would kiss before I spoke.27
ROSALIND
Nay, you were better speak
first, and when you were gravell’d for lack of
matter, you might take occasion to kiss. Very good orators when they are out,
they will spit, and for lovers lacking (God warn us!) matter, the cleanliest
shift is to kiss.28
ORLANDO
How if the kiss be denied?29
ROSALIND
Then she puts you to entreaty, and there
begins new matter.30
ORLANDO
Who could be out, being before his belov’d mistress?31
ROSALIND
Marry, that should you if I were your
mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker than my wit.32
ORLANDO
What, of my suit?33
ROSALIND
Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your
suit. Am not I your Rosalind?34
ORLANDO
I take some joy to say you are, because I
would be talking of her.35
ROSALIND
Well, in her person, I say I will not have
you.36
ORLANDO
Then in mine own person, I die.37
ROSALIND
No, faith, die by attorney. The poor world is
almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died
in his own person, videlicet, in a love-cause. Troilus had his brains dash’d out with a Grecian club,
yet he did what he could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love.
Leander, he would have liv’d many a fair year though
Hero had turn’d nun, if it had not been for a hot
midsummer night; for, good youth, he went but forth to wash him in the Hellespont,
and being taken with the cramp was drown’d; and the
foolish chroniclers of that age found it was—Hero of Sestos. But these are all
lies: men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for
love.38
ORLANDO
I would not have my right Rosalind of this
mind, for I protest her frown might kill me.39
ROSALIND
By this hand, it will not kill a fly. But
come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more coming-on disposition; and ask me
what you will, I will grant it.40
ORLANDO
Then love me, Rosalind.41
ROSALIND
Yes, faith, will I, Fridays and Saturdays and
all.42
ORLANDO
And wilt thou have me?43
ROSALIND
Ay, and twenty such.44
ORLANDO
What sayest thou?45
ROSALIND
Are you not good?46
ORLANDO
I hope so.47
ROSALIND
Why then, can one desire too much of a good
thing? Come, sister, you shall be the priest, and marry us. Give me your hand,
Orlando. What do you say, sister?48
ORLANDO
Pray thee marry us.49
CELIA
I cannot say the words.50
ROSALIND
You must begin, “Will you, Orlando”—51
CELIA
Go to! Will you, Orlando, have to wife this
Rosalind?52
ORLANDO
I will.53
ROSALIND
Ay, but when?54
ORLANDO
Why, now, as fast as she can marry us.55
ROSALIND
Then you must say, “I take thee, Rosalind, for
wife.”56
ORLANDO
I take thee, Rosalind, for wife.57
ROSALIND
I might ask you for your commission, but I do
take thee, Orlando, for my husband. There’s a girl goes before the priest, and
certainly a woman’s thought runs before her actions.58
ORLANDO
So do all thoughts, they are wing’d.59
ROSALIND
Now tell me how long you would have her after
you have possess’d her.60
ORLANDO
Forever and a day.61
ROSALIND
Say “a day,” without the “ever.” No, no,
Orlando, men are April when they woo, December when they wed; maids are May
when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives. I will be more
jealous of thee than a Barbary cock-pigeon over his hen, more clamorous than a
parrot against rain, more new-fangled than an ape, more giddy
in my desires than a monkey. I will weep for nothing, like Diana in the
fountain, and I will do that when you are dispos’d to
be merry. I will laugh like a hyen, and that when
thou art inclin’d to sleep.62
ORLANDO
But will my Rosalind do so?63
ROSALIND
By my life, she will do as I do.64
ORLANDO
O, but she is wise.65
ROSALIND
Or else she could not have the wit to do this;
the wiser, the waywarder. Make the doors upon a woman’s
wit, and it will out at the casement; shut that, and ’twill out at the
key-hole; stop that, ’twill fly with the smoke out at the chimney.66
ORLANDO
A man that had a wife with such a wit, he
might say, “Wit, whither wilt?”67
ROSALIND
Nay, you might keep that check for it, till
you met your wive’s wit going to your neighbor’s bed.68
ORLANDO
And what wit could wit have to excuse that?69
ROSALIND
Marry, to say she came to seek you there. You
shall never take her without her answer, unless you
take her without her tongue. O, that woman that cannot make her fault her
husband’s occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed
it like a fool!70
ORLANDO
For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave
thee.71
ROSALIND
Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours!72
ORLANDO
I must attend the Duke at dinner. By two a’
clock I will be with thee again.73
ROSALIND
Ay, go your ways, go your ways; I knew what
you would prove; my friends told me as much, and I thought no less. That
flattering tongue of yours won me. ’Tis but one cast
away, and so come death! Two a’ clock is your hour?74
ORLANDO
Ay, sweet Rosalind.75
ROSALIND
By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God
mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dangerous, if you break one jot
of your promise, or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most
pathetical break-promise, and the most hollow lover, and the most unworthy of
her you call Rosalind, that may be chosen out of the gross band of the
unfaithful; therefore beware my censure, and keep your promise.76
ORLANDO
With no less religion than if thou wert indeed
my Rosalind; so adieu.77
ROSALIND
Well, Time is the old justice that examines
all such offenders, and let Time try. Adieu.78
Exit Orlando.
CELIA
You have simply misus’d
our sex in your love-prate. We must have your doublet and hose pluck’d over your head, and show the world what the bird
hath done to her own nest.79
ROSALIND
O coz, coz, coz, my pretty little coz, that
thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love! But
it cannot be sounded; my affection hath an unknown bottom, like the bay of
Portugal.80
CELIA
Or rather, bottomless—that as fast as you pour
affection in, it runs out.81
ROSALIND
No, that same wicked bastard of Venus that was
begot of thought, conceiv’d of spleen, and born of
madness, that blind rascally boy that abuses every one’s eyes because his own
are out, let him be judge how deep I am in love. I’ll
tell thee, Aliena, I cannot be out of the sight of
Orlando. I’ll go find a shadow, and sigh till he come.82
CELIA
And I’ll sleep.83
Exeunt.